World War Z DVD

When I was in hospital earlier this month I missed the cinema release of World War Z. Despite being unimpressed by the trailer it was still a film that I wanted to see. So when I got out of hospital I ordered it on DVD and decided to watch it with an open mind. I had read a lot of negative comments about it, especially by fans of the book. But as I always say, there is only ever one critic who counts and that's yourself.
THE FILM. The film is very loosely based on the novel of the same name by Max Brooks. I say very loosely because all they have in common is the title and the fact that both feature a zombie apocalypse. The big name attached to the film is, of course, Brad Pitt. He plays Gerry Lane, a former United Nations investigator who is coerced into returning to help lead the investigation into a world wide pandemic that has infected millions of people, turning them into flesh eating zombies. Mireille Enos played his wife, Karin. For me, the most interesting character in the movie was a female Israeli soldier, known only as Segen, played by Daniella Kertesz. Doctor Who fans may be interested to know that the newest Doctor, Peter Capaldi, has a small role as a World Health Organisation scientist. How ironic that the new Doctor Who is working for WHO! The film was directed by Marc Forster and had a troubled history with rewrites and a delayed release date. Ultimately, it was a box office hit and a sequel is in the works.
THE PLOT. Warning - Spoiler alert! The film opens with Gerry and his family (wife and two daughters) in Philadelphia when the zombie apocalypse kicks off. They are stuck in traffic but manage to leave the city and head for Newark, New Jersey. Gerry's old friend, UN Deputy Secretary General Thierry Umutoni contacts him and sends a helicopter out to bring the Lanes to a US Navy vessel somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. Here, scientists and military personnel try to make sense of the outbreak. Gerry is flown to a military base in South Korea, where it is believed the outbreak started. He is accompanied by Dr. Andrew Fassbach, who doesn't last long. He slips when exiting the plane and accidentally kills himself when his pistol discharges. A dumb and stupid death! Why couldn't he have been killed by zombies?
Gerry learns that Mossad, the Israeli intelligence service knew a lot about the virus before it went global, so he flies to Jerusalem, where a huge wall has been erected around the city to keep out the zombie horde. He meets with Mossad chief Jurgen Warmbrunn but is forced to leave quickly when the wall is breached and the city is overrun by zombies. Gerry, accompanied by Segen, a female soldier depart on a commercial airliner, one of the last to leave the stricken city. Gerry had helped Segen by cutting off her hand when she got bitten by a zombie. This drastic measure prevented her from succumbing to the zombie disease. He persuaded the pilot to fly him to a World Health Organisation research facility in Wales. Unfortunately, a zombie had stowed away on the plane and Gerry was forced to kill it with one of Segen's hand grenades. Naturally, this caused the plane to crash but luckily, Gerry and Segen were the only survivors and even more luckily, they were close to the WHO facility. Whilst in Jerusalem, Gerry noticed that the zombies ignored a sick old man and an emaciated boy. He surmised that anyone with a terminal disease was immune to the zombies so to test his theory he injected himself with a lethal but treatable disease. It worked and the scientists were able to produce a vaccine to render humanity immune to the zombie virus.
THE VERDICT. Oh dear! Where do I begin? This has to be one of the worst zombie films I have ever seen and believe me, I've seen some bad zombie films. There are so many holes to pick in the plot, right from the start when the zombies first appear up until the ludicrous ending. For a start, the zombies are not as described in the book - slow moving and relentless. No, these zombies are all Olympic sprinters spliced with the DNA of ants so that they can climb on top of each other to scale huge walls. I hate fast running zombies and I particularly hated the zombies in this movie. They just looked so silly and stupid. To me, what was unforgivable for a zombie movie was the fact that we never got to see a drop of blood spilled throughout the film. For fuck's sake it is a zombie film! Where was the gore? How can you cut someones hand off and not show any blood? If I had to describe the film in one word I think I'd chose the word anaemic!
I get the point of Gerry flying all over the world to show that this is a global event but how he gets to his destinations does beggar belief. Can a Hercules transport plane fly from the Eastern seaboard of the USA to South Korea without refuelling? It was established very early on that zombies react to sound so why when we travel to Jerusalem are so many refugees singing at the top of their voices just inside the city walls? Also, why have so many helicopter flights around the city? They're even more noisy. No wonder the zombies outside got so agitated and scaled the walls. Although how they did that left me shaking my head in disbelief! As for zombies ignoring the terminally diseased, what a load of bollocks! Zombies will attack and feast on anyone with a heartbeat! This so-called cure was never mentioned in the book, so why spoil the film with it? This monumental oversight made the ending even more of a letdown.
Oh, and don't get me started on the flight from Israel to Wales! How did the zombie stowaway in the first place? Why was Segen allowed to carry hand grenades with her? And what was Gerry thinking when he threw a grenade at the zombie? Also, are we really expected to believe that Gerry and Segen were the only two survivors of the plane crash? Come on, get real, folks! Credit the audience with some intelligence! I loved Max Brooks' book of  World War Z but I hated this film with a passion. As a result, I can only give it a 1 out of 10 rating. Avoid at all costs. Read the book or catch it on TV when it airs but don't waste good money on it. Don't let my suffering be in vain!

Warm Bodies DVD

When I got back home from hospital one of the first things I did was to send an order off to Amazon.UK for a few DVD films and books I had missed. One of the films that I bought was Warm Bodies, a zombie romantic comedy. I can remember seeing the trailer for it months ago and I thought that it might be interesting to see. Sadly, I missed its cinema release, so I was determined to buy the DVD when it came out. I am mighty glad that I did because this is a thoroughly enjoyable film.
THE FILM. Warm Bodies stars Nicholas Hoult as R the zombie hero, Teresa Palmer as Julie Grigio, his love interest, John Malkovich as Colonel Grigio (Julie's father) and Rob Corddry as M the zombie. It was directed by Jonathan Levine. This Canadian production was low budget, but achieved high production standards and utilised a great location in a zombie-infested airport in Montreal. It was released on 8th February 2013 in the UK and a week earlier in America.
THE PLOT. A young zombie named "R" (he can only remember that his name began with an "R") retains a semblance of intelligence as he wanders aimlessly around an airport terminal looking for a meaning to his undead existence. His best friend is another zombie, who goes by the name of "M". The pair of them grunt to one another at the airport's bar. R's life changes when a small group of survivors raid the airport. Two major events change his life forever. First, he kills a survivor called Perry and eats his brains. Doing so gives him access to Perry's memories. Apparently, this is why zombies are so fond of eating brains. The second major turning point is that he sees another survivor in the fight, a young female called Julie Grigio. Perry used to date her and so R instantly falls in love with her. He saves her from the other zombies and takes her to his secret hidey hole inside a passenger jet stuck on the runway. It was at this point that I realised this was not going to be your normal zombie apocalypse film. What follows is a plot similar to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet play. Note the similarity of the lover's names. Slowly but surely, Julie comes to realise that R is different to other zombies and is really a nice guy. He has the power of speech, which helps to convince Julie he can be trusted to look after her. For the most part the other zombies ignore the couple but the really old zombies, known as the Boneys due to their resemblance to skeletons as they become seriously emaciated, are not fooled and cannot be persuaded not to eat humans.
THE VERDICT. I absolutely loved this film. It was refreshingly different to most zombie films. Note the 12 certificate, indicating this was not going to be a gorefest. Saying that, there were a few gory scenes early on in the film. My mum couldn't watch them! I enjoyed them but I wanted more gore. Yes, I am a sicko! There is a lot of humour in the film. And romance. R's love for Juliet grows so strong that he passes his love on to other zombies, starting with M. Soon there is a horde of friendly zombies looking for love. Not the ending you'd expect but totally in keeping with the film's premise. I must give praise to the special features on the DVD. When the extras on a DVD last longer than the film, as in this case, I know I'm going to be in for a treat... and I was. Special mention must go to Rob Corddry, aka M, who was incredibly funny and witty. The interviews with the cast and crew were always interesting and entertaining. This is a zombie film that you can watch with your parents and older children and has a real feel-good factor to it. Charming is not an adjective I'd normally use for a zombie film but it perfectly suits Warm Bodies. I give this film an 8/10 rating. It scores an extra point just for the special features.

Ultimate Zombie Feast DVD

It has been ages since I last did a film review. To be honest, my book, DVD and film reviews are not as popular as my figure or scenery reviews. No matter, they are a part of my blog and I have no intention of dropping them. This particular DVD, Ultimate Zombie Feast, warrants a mention because it is something different and ought to appeal to zombie lovers everywhere.
This is a rarity amongst DVDs - an anthology of short films. It comprises 16 films on two discs, ranging in length from 5 minutes to 64 minutes. As with all anthologies, some stories are better than others. There are a couple of stinkers but most of the films are good and a couple of them are outstanding. Here's a rundown of all 16 films along with my individual ratings.

DISC ONE
Zombeer (Netherlands 12 min) A very silly film about a brewery worker who falls into a vat of beer and turns into a flesh-eating zombie. Utter pants! 2/10
Zombies and Cigarettes (Spain 17 min) Set in a Spanish shopping mall this wasn't too bad but it loses marks for the ridiculous way that the zombie threat is vanquished. 5/10
Plague (UK 17 min) A very atmospheric and moody film about an Eastern bloc refugee who comes to England to find a better life just as the zombie apocalypse starts. Bleak and dark in tone. 8/10
Bitten (UK 6 min) A harrowing look at a woman's final minutes as an infected human before she turns into a zombie. 6/10
Arise (USA 18 min) A factory worker who predicts the zombie apocalypse tries to save his girlfriend and her daughter. It is full of over the top gore that made me smile. 7/10
Not Even Death (USA 5 min) A loving husband keeps his zombie wife chained up in his cellar. You can see how it's going to end a mile away. 6/10
Fear of the Living Dead (USA 16 min) A young woman is one of the few survivors of the apocalypse due to the fact that she is immune to zombie bites. She reluctantly teams up with a young man she finds holed up in his house. The ending is a total shock. My favourite film of this anthology. 10/10
Kidz (Canada 9 min) A very amateurish and cheap looking film about three children who have to learn to survive when their parents are killed at the start of a zombie outbreak. It won me over with its smart script and sting in the tail ending. The last line of the film had me laughing out loud. 7/10
The Book of Zombie (USA 64 min) Far and away the longest film in this set. The setting is a small town in Utah where a horde of zombie Mormons (yes, really!) go on the rampage. A small group of survivors take refuge in a bar. The special effects were very well done with a lot of gory deaths (human and zombie). Again, it has a good ending, although the story is ludicrous. 6/10

DISC TWO
Zombie Harvest (UK 11 min) Who'd have thought that a cow could be zombified when a zombie accidentally shoves his head up the cow's arse? You have to laugh! 6/10
The Skin of Your Teeth (USA 14 min) Four friends (three male and one female) are holed up in a farm in the middle of nowhere. It all goes horribly wrong when they are attacked by a horde of zombies who move faster than an Olympic sprinter. A very bleak story. I really do not like zombie sprinters but I did like this film. 8/10
Zomblies (UK 47 min) A terrific story set in the South West of England. A large wall has been erected to keep Devon and Cornwall quarantined from the rest of the UK. A squad of six elite soldiers are sent inside to gather intelligence on a new breed of zombie that have evolved - Ragers. This was full of action and very tense and gripping. Despite having yet more fast moving zombies, I enjoyed this film immensely. 9/10
It Came From the West (Denmark 16 min) A quirky film that uses puppets to tell its story. Set in the Wild West, this was very much played for laughs. I wasn't that impressed with it.  5/10
Paris by Night of the Living Dead (France 12 min) Absolutely full of action and humour. A bride and groom kick zombie butt whilst blowing up many famous Parisian landmarks. Although it is in French and doesn't come with subtitles, the action speaks for itself. Besides which, there is hardly any dialogue in it. I liked how it set up a sequel for Tokyo by Night of the Living Dead. 8/10
Savages (India 39 min) The biggest turkey of them all! Four friends enter a toxic waste dump, ignoring the signs to keep out and "bad things" happen to them. Badly acted, badly dubbed and unbelievably slow and boring. I'm still not sure why it was included as I'd hardly call it a zombie movie. 1/10
Dead Hungry (UK 10 min)  A charming and sweet film, told from a zombie's point view, as he tries to find love and brains. It works because you do feel sorry for him. 7/10

As you can see from my marks there are more good films than bad. I am very glad that this anthology has been put together, as many of these short films would have passed me by and that would have been a real shame. This is one DVD that all zombie fans should own. Overall, I'll give it a 7/10 rating.

Being Human series 1-4

Being Human is a big hit on BBC 3 and one of my favourite TV series. With the recent release of series 4 on DVD, a review of this series is long overdue. The premise of the series sounds like the opening line of a joke - a ghost, a vampire and a werewolf share a house together. Well, there certainly is humour in the series, but mainly there is drama centred around three very different characters, whom you will quickly come to love, admire and most important of all, care deeply about. Annie Sawyer, played by Lenora Crichlow, is a ghost who haunts the house, having been murdered there by her last boyfriend. At first she doesn't realise this. Only other supernatural creatures can see and hear her, which makes her very happy when George and Mitchell move in. George Sands, played by Russell Tovey, is a reluctant werewolf, who doesn't want to hurt anyone or pass on the werewolf curse. He's a bit of a nerd but very intelligent, being able to speak multiple languages fluently. John Mitchell, played by Aiden Turner, is a 100+ year old vampire but has the looks and appearance of a 20 year old. He also doesn't want to hurt anyone, so he abstains from taking blood. No one calls him John, he's just known as Mitchell. The trio try to live normal lives and blend in with humanity. George and Mitchell work as porters in a Bristol hospital, keeping a low profile. Series 1 deals with their struggles at "being human" as they deal with mundane issues like house-sharing and girlfriends. However, their primary conflict is stopping the rise of the rest of Bristol's vampire population, led by Herrick, played by Adrian Lester, who just happens to be Mitchell's sire. Herrick masquerades as a policeman and is a complete and utter bastard but such a joy to watch! Incidentally, in this series, vampires are not affected by sunlight.

Series two picks up almost directly after the climax of series one. George's girlfriend, Nina Pickering, played by Sinead Keenan, got scratched by George when he was in werewolf form at the end of series one. You know what that means? Yes, come the next full moon, she also transforms into a werewolf. She tries to keep her condition a secret from the others, especially George, but fails. Annie searches for a new meaning to her existence, now that she has resolved her murder as a human. Mitchell steps into the power vacuum in the ranks of the Bristol vampires, following what happened at the end of series one. With great reluctance, he becomes their new leader, a decision that he soon comes to regret. A new threat to our heroes arrives in the form of a mysterious organisation known as CenSSA (Centre for the Study of Supernatural Activity). Their leader, Dr. Jaggett, convinces Nina that they have a cure for lycanthropy (they don't!) and she happily believes him to such an extent that she splits up with George. Annie learns of the existence of Purgatory, a place she does not want to visit... ever. George tries hard to live a normal life. He gets a new job as a language teacher and tries to settle down with a young mother although her daughter never takes to him. The veil is lifted from his eyes when he almost transforms at a PTA meeting and thus he welcomes Nina back into his life and agrees to meet with CenSSA. He is now so desperate for any possibility of a cure for his lycanthropy. Annie tags along with them but suffers a cruel fate at the hands of Dr. Jaggett. Unbeknownst to all of them, Mitchell falls off the wagon in spectacular fashion as he slaughters a load of passengers on a train. It is such an important and devastating turning point in his unlife, the ramifications of which are fully explored in series three.

Series three is a lot darker than the previous two series. After the events of series two, you just know that life can never be the same for Annie, George, Nina and especially, Mitchell. They move to a large house situated in Barry, South Wales, which becomes their new home for the rest of the series. The house used to be a former bed and breakfast hotel and is called Honolulu Heights. The quartet have to deal with figures from their past, including one huge surprise, as well as further encounters with vampires (a likable teenager and an obnoxious husband and wife pair of swingers), a very sympathetic zombie and a pair of werewolves who hunt vampires. This last two, MacNair, played by Robson Green, and his adopted son, Tom, played by Michael Socha, have the biggest impact on their lives. Meanwhile, Mitchell is desperate to atone for his actions in series two. Over the course of the six episodes of series three the truth about what he did is revealed to Annie, George and Nina and he realises there is only one way to resolve the matter - he has to die! He asks George to stake him. Does he die or not? If you don't want to know then do not highlight my spoiler alert below.
SPOILER ALERT BEGINS Series three does indeed end with George staking Mitchell, proving that the makers are not afraid to kill off major characters. Even more surprising, series four begins with the deaths of Nina (off screen) and George and ends with the death of Annie and baby Eve. Gulp! SPOILER ALERT ENDS 

Series four shifts gear, with young werewolf Tom MacNair and an ancient vampire (500+ years old) called Hal Yorke, played by newcomer Damien Moloney, joining Annie in Honolulu Heights. Hal shared a house in Southend with a ghost called Pearl and an old werewolf called Leo. They travel to Barry on a quest, which sees Leo and Pearl departing and Hal stuck behind. Annie has a new quest in her life - to raise and protect baby Eve, the offspring of George and Nina. A vampire prophecy written on human flesh reveals that Eve is the War Child, the person who will destroy all vampires. This series has been expanded from six episodes to eight and is without doubt, my favourite series so far. Being Human has always had its moments of comedy but in series four there are some genuine laugh out loud moments. Episode 4.06, in particular, has some outstanding comedy scenes. Early on in the series, it is announced that the Old Ones, a group of ancient vampires, will arrive in Barry. Naturally, Hal knows all about them. After all, he was once part of their group. For fifty years, Hal has avoided drinking blood but that all ends when the Old Ones finally arrive. They are led by Mr. Snow, evil personified and brilliantly played by Mark Gatiss. If baby Eve lives, the vampires will take over the world and Hal will lead them to victory. If baby Eve dies, humanity's dark future will be avoided. Given that Annie, who really is a very powerful entity in her own right, has sworn to protect baby Eve, this leaves her with an unenviable dilemma. Kill the baby to save humanity or save the baby and condemn humanity?

VERDICT. Suffice to say, I am a huge fan of this series. It is one of those series that improves with every episode. It started strongly but ended so impressively. Actually, when I say ended, that isn't strictly true. Thankfully, the BBC have already commissioned series five. Oh joy! It should air in 2013. The stories have been a delight to watch. I can't think of a single duff episode, but I can think of plenty of outstanding episodes. Credit must go to the main leads, whose characters want nothing more than to lead normal lives and blend in with society even though they are, essentially, monsters. Being Human achieves a very difficult feat of being superb in so many categories - comedy, drama, horror and romance.
The first three series all have special features on the DVD sets, but I kept wishing for more. Series four, however, more than makes up for that "fault" by having over two hours worth of extras. If you haven't seen any of the series, I'd recommend buying the boxed set containing all four series, currently priced at £35.99 from Amazon. Of course you can buy each series separately. My ratings for the series are 8/10 for series one, 8.5/10 for series two, 9/10 for series three and 9.5/10 for series four. So, have you heard the one about a ghost, a vampire and a werewolf who share a house?

Underworld: Awakening 3D

I'm a very happy bunny! My favourite on-screen vampire, Selene the Death Dealer, has returned in the fourth film in the Underworld series. I saw this just two days ago, when it first screened at the cinema without reading any reviews of it. To be honest, I would have still gone to see it even if every film critic slated it because I am a Selene fanboy. As it happens a lot of the film critics did slam the film, but as I always say, the only critic who counts is yourself. Once again, Kate Beckinsale, who plays Selene, dons her iconic black leather skintight costume (how cool does she look in that film poster to the left?) and does what she does best, blows away anyone who stands in her way... only this time in glorious 3D!
THE PLOT. Six months after the events of Underworld: Evolution, Selene and her lover, Michael Corvin, are captured by human troops during a puge of all vampires and Lycans (werewolves) when humanity finally learns of their existance. Selene and Michael are special as they share the blood of Corvinus, the first vampire. Selene the vampire and Michael the Lycan both gain additional powers that make them unique, so naturally they become test specimens to be experimented on. For twelve years, Selene is kept in a cryogenic coma at the Antigen facility, a government sponsored research facility run by Dr. Jacob Lane (Stephen Rea). Another captive at the facility, known as Subject Two, helps Selene to escape. At first Selene thinks that Subject Two is Michael, because she can see events through his eyes. But when another vampire, David (Theo James) comes to Selene's aid, they discover that Subject Two is a young girl called Eve (India Easley). They head off in a van for David's lair but are attacked by a trio of Lycans on the way. Eve is bitten by one of the Lycans and retaliates by ripping its head in half. Selene and David kill the Lycan trio and arrive at David's underground lair. David is the son of an elder vampire, Thomas (Charles Dance) who doesn't take too kindly to their arrival. Selene uses her blood to help heal Eve and she learns that the young vampire hybrid is actually her daughter. Hmm, now there's a turn up for the books!

India Easley as Eve, the hybrid vampire daughter of Selene.

Things take a turn for the worse when the vampires' lair is discovered and infiltrated by a pack of Lycans. This is odd as all Lycans were supposedly eradicated during "The Purge." Looks like someone has been telling lies. The Lycans are only after one thing, Eve. Selene promises to protect her but fails in her duty when she is beaten by the largest Lycan ever seen (Kris Holden-Ried). This beast is about twelve feet tall and a real bad ass! David is killed in the fight and Selene knocked out but she makes amends to Thomas by bringing David back to unlife with her unique blood.

She leaves the coven and enlists the help of an FBI detective, Sebastian (Michael Ealy) to gain access to the Antigen facility, where Eve has been returned. Dr. Lane is revealed as a Lycan and he has been using Selene's DNA to create a race of super Lycans who are immune to silver. That huge bad ass Lycan I mentioned earlier is Quint, Dr. Lane's son. The film climaxes in a bloody fight to the death with no prizes awarded for guessing who emerges victorious.

THE FILM. This time the film had two directors, Mans Marlind and Bjorn Stein, both from Sweden. The series creator and original director, Len Wiseman, (husband of Kate Beckinsale) wrote the screenplay and was one of the film's producers. With a running time of just 90 minutes this packed in a lot of fight scenes, which were very gory. The 3D aspect was supposed to help kickstart the franchise but to be honest didn't add a lot to the film.

Kate Beckinsale as Selene in action. Do not mess with this lady!

THE VERDICT. For one and a half hours I just switched my brain off and was immersed in a fast-paced, action-packed bloodfest and I came out of the cinema with a huge smile on my face. I was entertained and the sight of Kate in her skintight costume kicking butt was enough for me to give this film a huge thumbs up. There are holes you can pick in the plot and no one is going to win any acting awards for this film, but that kind of misses the point. It's an action and adventure film, pure and simple with no pretensions of being high art. Sometimes we need our fix of mindless mayhem and bloody violence as an escape mechanism from the rigours of real life. Believe me, I've seen a lot worse than this offering. As a result I'll happily award this an 8 out of 10 rating. I'd have rated it higher if we'd seen more of Michael and Selene together, but Scott Speedman, who played Michael in the first two Underworld films did not want to appear in part four, which was a shame. Since I've seen the film, I've read numerous reviews of it and it certainly has not gone down well with the film critics. So is it a one to avoid? I guess a lot depends on what you thought of the previous films in the series. These are my favourite vampire films of all time, so it was pretty much a given that I'd enjoy Underworld: Awakening. If you don't think much of the previous offerings or haven't seen them you may want to avoid this one. I'm now looking forward to the DVD release and if there is an Underworld 5, I'll go and see it and no doubt enjoy it.

Reaper Zombie Strippers

It constantly amazes how figure sculptors keep on bringing out zombie figures that you wouldn't expect to see. These three figures from the Reaper 28mm scale set 50213 Zombie Strippers surely fall into that category. Without any further ado, let's have a look at them.

 

I haven't named these figures but I think I ought to. For now, however, I'll identify them by their hair colour. At the far left of my two photos above is the Miss Brunette. She is, in my opinion, the prettiest of the three and the one who could most pass for being human. The mottled dead flesh and wound to her left side is a dead giveaway (pun intended) that she is a zombie. I'm rather pleased with how her stockings have come out. I painted them in zombie flesh, the same as the rest of her flesh but gave her legs a couple of coats of Citadel Gryphonne Sepia ink wash. Note the wad of dollar bills tucked into the stocking top of her right leg. 

In the centre of the group is Miss Blonde and from the absence of black roots in her hair, she seems to be a natural blonde. She has silver nipple tassels, which to me, denotes that she is a regular stripper. Miss Brunette had bronze nipple tassels, making her a rookie stripper. Hey, there's logic in my madness here!  She has ripped a guy's arm off whilst the dead hand still clutches a bunch of dollar bills. Class act, Miss Blonde! More dollar notes have been tucked into the left side of her panties. Her wounds are far more extensive and noticable, particularly on her legs. She has also been bitten in the side of her face.

Finally, is Miss Redhead, the veteran stripper and star of the show, as denoted by her gold nipple tassels. Only the best stripper in the show gets to wear the coveted gold nipple tassels! I love the way how the top of her right boot has curled down to give her legs a lopsided look. Like Miss Blonde, she has stuffed her cash gifts down the side of her panties. From the front, she could almost pass for human, especially in a darkened strip club. But from behind, you can see that a large portion of her back has been chewed away, revealing she is clearly no longer human.

All of the girls come with nipple tassels, of which I'm in two minds about. On the one hand I'd love to see bare boobies and nipples. Hey, I'm a boob man, what can I say? I'm sure if Kevin White had sculpted them for Hasslefree he would not have added the nipple tassels. On the other hand I accept that when it comes to nudity, Americans are more uptight about it than us Brits, and that naked breasts may well affect sales. Whether Reaper would sell more or less is open to debate! Also, I know from empirical research that some strippers do use nipple tassels in their acts, so their appearance can be justified in that sense. I did think about filing the tassels off one girl to give her bare breasts but then decided not to alter her. If I want more raunchy strippers I could always buy a second set to convert.

I have a very high opinion of these figures, even though I am aware that they won't be to everyone's taste. Mind you, considering the subject matter, these have been tastefully sculpted. The sculpting of all three really is of the highest quality. They were a total joy for me to paint and they give me another reason to build my Mayhem City Stripclub/Brothel. They retail for $9.99 from the Reaper website. For a second opinion on these fine figures check out Lord Siwoc/Johnny's review here http://lordsiwoc.blogspot.com/2011/05/warning-adult-content.html

Whilst on the subject of zombie strippers I suppose it would be remiss of me not to mention two films closely related to the subject - Zombie Strippers and Zombies, Zombies, Zombies, aka Strippers vs Zombies. Be warned, both are utter pants! However, I can recommend Zombie Strippers for its humour (Robert Englund, who plays the owner of the stripclub gets all the best lines and is hilarious throughout) and it has fairly decent and gory special effects. The strippers are just okay, apart from the star of the show, Jenna Jameson, whom I found to be a complete turn off. Big plastic boobies - urgh!!! Jenna, put them away! Please!

As for Zombies, Zombies, Zombies, I can find very little to recommend it, other than a rather amusing performance from the black pimp (Anthony Headen). The story, the acting, the girls, the special effects, the dialogue were just too amateurish for my liking. I know its meant to be a tongue in cheek movie but so was Zombie Strippers and that made a much better job of things, even if it wasn't exactly fault free. Buy either film at your peril or if you're easily pleased. I'd rate Zombie Strippers 5 out of 10 and Zombies, Zombies, Zombies 2 out of 10, simply because I have seen worse and the pimp made me smile a few times.

Fright Night 3D

Here we are half way through September and this is my first film review of 2011. This has not been a good year at the cinema for horror films but, thankfully, that changes with the release of Fright Night 3D  - a remake of the 1985 film, Fright Night. Generally speaking, I am not a fan of remakes or reimaginings but I'll make an exception for this film as it beats the original in every department.
THE PLOT. Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin) is a teenager who lives at home with his mum (Toni Collette) on a suburban estate on the outskirts of Las Vegas. His mum introduces him to their newly arrived next-door neighbour, Jerry (Colin Farrell), an attractive hunk and construction worker. One of Charley's school friends, Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse),  asks him to help discover why so many of their friends and neighbours have gone missing. Ed suspects it is because Jerry is a vampire. Charley dismisses his theory as pure fantasy but next day when Ed fails to turn up at school he sneaks into Jerry's house and discovers that Ed was right all along - Jerry IS a vampire. Jerry is holding a female victim hostage and Charley tries to rescue her. I won't say how that turns out but it provides one of the biggest scares of the movie!
Charley tries to keep his new found knowledge from his mum and girlfiend, Amy (Imogen Poots), but when Jerry comes a calling that night he begs his mum not to invite him in. I liked the fact that his mum actually believes him rather than dismissing him as being delusional. Jerry takes this very badly and blows up their house. The three humans escape in mum's car but naturally, Jerry pursues them. They survive again but mum is left hospitalised. This forces Charley to seek outside help from a TV magician called Peter Vincent (David Tennant). Peter, who is overly fond of alcohol dismisses Charley, but later in a moment of lucidity realises the teenager is indeed facing a real life vampire, and so offers his help. Jerry and his minion, Ed, attack Charley, Amy and Peter in Peter's luxury apartment. Jerry ends up capturing and biting Amy. He takes her back to his lair, where the climactic battle between good and evil takes place with Charley and Peter determined to wipe out Jerry and his minions once and for all... or die trying!
THE FILM. The film was directed by Craig Gillespie and was based on the Tom Holland film of the same name made in 1985. The screenplay for the remake was written by Marti Noxon, a name that will be familiar to any fans of the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as she was one of the show's regular writers. Not surprisingly, she has a good feel for this genre and the script was well written and witty.
THE VERDICT. This is the first vampire movie I have reviewed since Twilight: Eclipse over a year ago. There was much that I liked about this film. Charley is a likable teen, as is his girlfriend, Amy, who's very good-looking. Colin Farrell plays Jerry extremely well. He oozes sex appeal and menace in equal quantities. I liked it when Charley commented on what a ridiculous name Jerry is for a vampire, but if he wants to blend in with society, why not be called Jerry? David Tennant was well cast as Peter Vincent, the very reluctant vampire slayer. We learn that his parents were killed by vampires but he is trying to blot out the memory of their deaths by drowning himself in his work but more especially, alcohol. My only real quibble with the film was the use of the 3D effects. They were sparsely used and to be honest, didn't add much to my viewing pleasure. Even so, I was thoroughly entertained by this offering with its thrills and laughs that took me back to the good old days of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, both of which I adored. I can highly recommend Fright Night 3D and I'd rate it 8 out of 10.

Twilight: Eclipse Review

There's just no escaping the phenomenon that is Twilight these days. Eclipse, part three of the series was released in the cinema just last week here in the UK and having reviewed the first two films I was honour-bound to go see part three. Thankfully, I got to see it before the schools broke up for their summer holidays so there were very few people in the cinema. The mere thought of watching a Twilight movie in a cinema packed with teenage girls fills me with dread. Shudder!

THE PLOT. At the end of New Moon, vampire Edward Cullen asked Bella Swan to marry him. Eclipse begins with teenager Bella's response. She still wants Edward to turn her into a vampire so that they can be together for all eternity but the thought of marriage does not appeal to her. Meanwhile, in nearby Seattle, a group of newly created vampires have gone on a murder spree, making the police and the media think there is a serial killer on the loose. Such behaviour attracts the attention of the Volturi (the ruling elite of the vampires) and they send a team to investigate. Alice Cullen, the vampire with psychic powers, gets a vision of the newly created vampires moving from Seattle en masse to track down and kill Bella. So forewarned, the Cullen clan makes a pact with the local werewolves to join forces and defeat their common enemy. Because Jacob the teenage werewolf is so in love with Bella the two sides are able to work together despite their mutual loathing. Jacob still holds a torch for Bella, and throughout the film tries to woo her back from Edward. Followers of the films and/or books won't be surprised to learn that Victoria is the instigator of the young vampire army as she still seeks vengeance on Bella, whom she blames for the death of her vampire lover, James. So the scene is set for a big confrontation. Who will win the war? Not hard to guess, is it?!

THE FILM. Directorial duties are passed over to David Slade, who directed the much gorier vampire film 30 Days of Night. Consequently, he is quite at home directing action scenes, although he is hampered somewhat by the film having a teen-friendly 12A certificate. Kristen Stewart (Bella), Robert Pattinson (Edward), Taylor Lautner (Jacob) and Ashley Greene (Alice) reprise their roles from the previous two films. Likewise with the actors and actresses playing the rest of the Cullen clan and the tribe of werewolves. The one major change is that Bryce Dallas Howard has been brought in to play Victoria the evil vampire, replacing Rachelle Lefevre. She does so-so in a role that has her do little more than snarling.

THE VERDICT. Irrespective of what I say or think about this film it will be a huge box office smash and I fully expect it to earn more money than any other film this year. The multiplex where I saw it was showing it on five screens, so they clearly expect it to be a massive money-spinner. For what it's worth, I'm not a big fan of the whole Twilight Saga but I don't hate it either. It has vampires and werewolves in it, so that grabs my attention straight away. I am so far removed from the target audience (teenage girls) that it is hard to review the film objectively. There is much to criticise - I still don't see what Edward and Jacob find attractive about Bella (she's a moody, sullen teenager) or what she sees in them (Edward is such a wuss and Jacob is overly emotional). With a running time of just over two hours there are parts of the film that drag along at a snail's pace. In the novel of the same name, I felt that the big fight at the end was over too quickly. Sadly, the same applies to the film. I quite liked the flashback scenes; Rosalie's in particular was rather poignant. I like the look of the werewolves - they are huge and very imposing. If I was a vampire, I wouldn't want to mess with them. And still, my favourite character in the film is Alice Cullen, although she has too little screen time for me. I noticed that one of my new followers has chosen a portrait of Alice for her personal profile. Good choice, Laura!

Twilight Saga author Stephenie Meyer will undoubtedly have a huge hit on her hands with this film. I'll admit to liking it more than I expected and it is certainly a better film than the previous one, New Moon. Just don't expect to find any acting masterclasses here! So, because I gave New Moon a 6 out of 10, I'll rate Eclipse 7 out of 10.

True Blood Series 2 DVD

About seven months ago I reviewed series one of True Blood and absolutely raved about it. Well, I'm pleased to say that series two was recently released here in the UK and that it is even better than series one. The boxed set of series two comprises of five discs, containing all 12 episodes. I bought my set from Amazon.UK for £26.71. The story of telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse continues in a tale taken from book two, "Living Dead in Dallas" of Charlaine Harris's best selling series. The main villain of the TV series is Maryann, who was introduced to viewers at the end of series one when she befriended Sookie's best friend, Tara. I've got nothing against the producers greatly expanding Maryann's story for the TV series as it kept me on my toes, wondering what was going to happen next. What did happen next was a complete rollercoaster of a ride, which I don't want to elaborate on too much for the sake of those who haven't seen the show yet.

THE STORY. Series one ended on a cliffhanger with Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Detective Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) finding a dead body in the back of Andy's car. The murder victim, whose heart had been ripped out,  is revealed and sets in motion a series of events that will affect everyone living in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps. Sookie and her vampire lover, Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) become a lot more comfortable in their relationship. Bill's superior is Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard), who owns the Fangtasia night club in neighbouring Shreveport. He sends Bill and Sookie on a mission to Dallas to find a missing 2000 year old vampire called Godric. Meanwhile, Sookie's brother, Jason (Ryan Kwanten), finds religion and becomes a disciple of the Fellowship of the Sun, a vehemently anti-vampire church. Tara (Rutina Wesley) falls in love with "Eggs" Benedict (Mehcad Brooks) who was also taken in by Maryann (Michelle Forbes). They soon discover that Maryann has a powerful pull over them. And not just them! Pretty soon, she has the whole town dancing to her tune. The parties that she throws become wilder and more like orgies as ordinary folk lose all their inhibitions. Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) who is a shapeshifter who runs Merlotte's Bar in Bon Temps is immune to Maryann's charms and he quickly realises that she is evil incarnate. The teenage vampire, Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), whom Bill sired at the end of series one has a tender and heart-warming romance with Hoyt (Jim Parrack). Okay, that is a brief precis of the set up to series two. To say any more would be to reveal too much and I don't want to do that.

THE EXTRAS. I always look forward to the special features on a DVD. This boxed set has some extras, but I'd really liked to have seen more, especially about the making of the show. What you do get is two faux TV shows to complement the series. First up is "Fellowship of the Sun: Reflections of Light" in which the church leaders, Steve and Sarah Newlin, set out rules to live by in four separate sermons. Next up, showing a more positive view of vampires is "The Vampire Report: A Perspective with Victoria Davis." Both are nothing more than waffle, albeit entertaining waffle. Six of the twelve episodes come with commentaries from cast and crew and for the most part, are entertaining and informative, which is just what I want from a commentary.

THE VERDICT. Well, I already said in my intro that this series was even better than series one, and it is. What I love about True Blood is that it is clearly written for an adult audience. This is about as far removed from the world of Twilight as you can get. The violence can be extremely graphic and gory. The camera doesn't flinch or pull away from someone getting their heart ripped out, for example. The language throughout is pretty ripe but is there not to shock but because it seems so appropriate for that particular character and situation. Then there is the nudity and sex scenes. With Maryann happy to let any party denigrate into an orgy there is a lot more sex and nudity this series. What is great about series two is how all of the characters are allowed to develop. Even the minor supporting cast, who may have had less than ten lines in series one are allowed to shine this time round. It would be unfair to pick out any one person for praise. Every single member of the cast deserves high praise for their performances. Kudos also to the writers, producers and directors for taking what was an outstanding series to a whole new level. Oh boy, they sure have raised the bar high for series three. And damn, but they left series two on one humdinger of a cliffhanger! Bastards! Now, I gotta wait another six or seven months for series three and my American readers can rub my nose in it by telling me how good it is as it is showing in the USA right now! Not surprisingly, I rate series two 10 out of 10 but the boxed set just 9 out of 10, purely because I'd have liked to see more special features.

Survival of the Dead DVD Review

In the world of horror films there is one name that transcends most others - George A. Romero. He single handedly invented the zombie film genre with Night of the Living Dead. He then went on to make what is in my opinion the finest zombie film ever made, Dawn of the Dead. However, Day of the Dead, his next release runs it a close second. Land of the Dead, his fourth zombie film, received mixed reviews but I thoroughly enjoyed it. By the time he released Diary of the Dead a few years ago, many critics were questioning whether it was time for George to hang up his hat. Not me. Although I consider Diary to be his weakest offering that does not mean it is a bad film. So, when I learnt that George was going to direct a new zombie film and that it would be a modern day Western, I was very thrilled and was hoping for the best.

THE STORY. The film follows a group of army deserters (who were briefly seen in Diary of the Dead) seeking shelter from the zombie apocalypse on scenic Plum Island off the east coast of America, only to become caught up in a bitter feud between two warring families. Sergeant Crocket (Alan Van Sprang) and his motley crew of military dropouts are searching for a safe place to rest when they cross paths with Patrick O'Flynn (Kenneth Welsh). O'Flynn has been banished from Plum Island, where his family is locked in a long-time quarrel with the Muldoons, led by Seamus Muldoon (Richard Fitzpatrick). The O'Flynns see the flesh-eaters as subhuman, never hesitating to put a bullet between their eyes; the Muldoons baulk at the prospect of killing their gut-munching loved ones, instead opting to care for them until scientists find a cure for the zombie plague. As the division between the two families grows deeper and wider, Crocket and his men realize that on Plum Island, the zombies are the least of their worries.

THE EXTRAS. Nothing. Nowt. Nada. Zilch. Not a thing. Not even trailers of the movie or other films. This goes back to the bad old days of video releases when all you got was the film. Even the Blu-Ray DVD is bereft of extras. A crying shame that I hope will be rectified in the future.

THE VERDICT. I'd read some mixed reviews of this film before I saw it. Both critics and fans seemed divided on its merits. Ah well, I thought, there's only one critic who counts... and that's yourself! And my verdict is that it is a hugely entertaining film. What surprised me greatly was the amount of humour in the film. Okay, some of it is black humour but it is humour, nonetheless. Zombie kill of the week goes to the irrascible Patrick, who hands a zombie a bunch of dynamite as he leaves a wooden shack before slamming the door in its face. The zombie just looks at the dynamite in total bewilderment as his undead colleagues gather around him. Two seconds later - KABOOM! Hey, it made me laugh.

What I liked a lot about this film is that I got to care about the characters, and that is the first rule of film-making. Make the audience care. In Diary, Crocket and his soldiers were a bunch of arseholes, who you hoped got devoured by the zombies. But in here, right from the offset, you feel an affinity with them and hope they'll all survive but knowing they'll suffer casualties. By the time the film comes to its bloody climax a lot of the major characters end up as zombie food. Despite the fact that this film is set in contemporary times it is indeed a Western, and all the better for that. The O'Flynns and the Muldoons step straight out of the pages of the American Wild West. The big question of which side is right is an intriguing one. By the time the credits rolled I was still wondering which side had the right attitude and even now, I can't decide. Watch it and make up your own mind. I promise you this, the film offers you food for thought, characters you care about, a simple story and some great zombie kills and human deaths (although the CGI effects don't work all the time). Despite its shameful lack of extras and short running time (just 86 minutes) I rate this film 8 out of 10. When it comes to making zombie films, George is still the master!

Daybreakers Review

My first film review for 2010 is for the vampire flick called Daybreakers. The film stars Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, Willem Dafoe and Claudia Karvan. It was directed by Michael and Peter Spierrig, the brothers behind the low budget movie, Undead. When I saw the trailer for it last year, I was intrigued enough to add it to my "must see" list. The premise of the film, a near future world in which vampires are the dominant species and humanity are either kept locked away as feeding stock or forced to go underground to eke out a precarious survival is an intriguing one. Could the film live up to the premise? Let's find out!

THE FILM. It is the year 2019 and vampires rule the world. Their numbers have grown exponentially, whilst those of humanity are dwindling. And therein lies a major problem for the vamps. At the rate they are drinking blood soon their supply of humans will have run out. Edward Dalton (played by Ethan Hawke) is a scientist tasked with finding a blood substitute before their natural stock runs out. He works for a huge pharmaceutical corporation, Bromley Marks, run by Charles Bromley (Sam Neill). As the film shows early on, only too graphically, the scientists are a long way from success. We also discover what happens to a vampire after it has gone too long without blood - it reverts to a feral beast. Edward encounters a human resistance movement led by Lionel "Elvis" Cormac (Willem Dafoe) and Audrey Bennett (Claudia Karvan). He is sympathetic to their plight and agrees to help them, especially when he learns that Elvis was once a vampire but is now cured. He moves in with them and is able to replicate that cure. Despite being hunted by a well armed security team from Bromley Marks he returns to Charles to offer all vampires his cure, fully believing a cure is better than a blood substitute. Sadly his timing is rather bad. His former colleagues have made a breakthrough whilst he was away and are preparing a blood substitute to go into full production in two days time. Cue extremely bloody and action-packed finale.
THE REVIEW. Okay, first things first. This film is not going to win any awards for acting or screenplay and nor is it a classic of the horror genre. The acting on the whole was cheesy and both Dafoe and Neill were more akin to panto characters, especially Neill. Hawke struggled to keep up but given his dialogue it was a thankless task. The plot was filled with so many holes and the whole concept of the vampire cure was just laughable and an insult to viewers' intelligence. However, despite all that, I liked it a lot. It kept me entertained for its running time of 98 minutes. I could find so much to criticise it for but I'm not going to.
You see, the film also had a lot to admire. Little touches like how vampires survive from day to day made this fanboy sit up and smile. For example, the concept of smart cars with windows that can block out UV rays was a logical concept. Tunnels and overhead passageways between buildings gave the vamps a way to cross the road during the day without suffering the ultimate sunburn. Coffee shops that substituted blood for milk sprung up. The film was also littered with TV reports from around the world showing just how deep the crisis was growing and these added a documentary air to the proceedings that I certainly appreciated. There were lots of nice little touches that I liked but they all added up. Then there was the ending. I am certainly not going to spoil it for you but it is so gloriously over the top and an absolute bloodfest! That alone made up for much of what went before. All in all I'd rate it 7 out of 10.

Left to right - Ethan Hawke, Claudia Karvan & Willem Dafoe. "We're the folks with the crossbows!"

True Blood Series 1 DVD

Ever since Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel ended I have been waiting for a new vampire-themed TV series to sink my teeth into (pun intended). A couple of month's ago, True Blood aired on terrestial TV in the UK for the first time. Channel 4 attained the rights to screen the series and I was hooked from the start. The only thing that put me off watching it again was having to put up with annoying advert breaks every 10 minutes. Nothing kills my viewing enjoyment more than advert breaks. So I did what I always do when faced with such a situation - I waited for the boxed set of DVDs to come out. In this particular case my wait was very brief as the DVD boxed set came out before the TV series had finished airing. Result!

THE STORY. True Blood is based on the Sookie (invariably pronounced "Sucky") Stackhouse series of books by Charlaine Harris. Sookie (superbly played by Anna Paquin) is young waitress working in a bar in the small town of Bon Temps, Louisiana. She has a special gift/curse in that she is a telepath. In her world, vampires are known to exist, having come out of the closet a few years ago. When a vampire called Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) walks into Sookie's bar for the first time she instantly falls in love with him. The fact that she cannot read his mind gives her a comforting break that she has been searching for ever since her special ability first manifested. He is just as infatuated with Sookie, although for different reasons. Her love life becomes even more complicated when her boss, Bill Merlotte (Sam Trammell) admits to being in love with her. Not only is Bill her boss but he's a shapeshifter as well. He generally transforms into a dog. Series 1 deals with a serial killer who is killing young women who have had sex with vampires.

The supporting cast are just as interesting and well-rounded as the three main leads mentioned above. First up is Sookie's brother, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) who isn't the brightest tool in the box but whose good looks ensures he is never short of female companionship. He enjoys a tempestuous relationship with a V addicted hippie called Amy Burley (Lizzie Kaplan). V is vampire blood, a drop of which gives humans an incredible high. Some vampires still drink human blood but most drink a synthetic blood designed by the Japanese, known as True Blood. Sookie's best friend is Tara, (Rutina Wesley) a young woman with a quick temper, whose life is a mess, thanks to her alcoholic, bible-fearing mother. Tara's cousin, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) is extremely funny as the bar's chef. He might be a gay, black man from the deep south but you wouldn't want to mess with him. The nicest character in the show is Adele, (Lois Smith) Sookie's grandmother, a sweet old lady, with whom Sookie lives.

THE EXTRAS. The DVD set comprises of five discs, containing all 12 episodes of series 1. Six of them feature very good commentaries by members of the cast and crew including Anna, Stephen and the series executive producer, writer and director, Alan Ball. It was interesting listening to Stephen Moyer do his commentary, as he is an English actor but his character, Bill, speaks with an American accent. The only other extra was a mockumentary called "Vampires in America" which took a serious look at how vampires have integrated into modern society. I liked it but at 15 minutes long it was far too short. I'd have loved to have seen more features about the making of the show as well as interviews with cast and crew.

THE VERDICT. This is a series that ticks all the right boxes. Gratuitous violence, bloody check. Explicit sex scenes, sizzling check. Harsh language, effing check. Humour, check. Tragedy, check. Mystery, check. Throw in characters that you quickly come to love and care about and you have a winning combination. The sex, violence and bad language pretty much ensured this was going to get an 18 certificate rating and it did. This vampire tale is about as far removed from the saccharine and kiddy-friendly world of Twilight as you can get. This a series for adults and I welcome that approach with open arms. Produced by HBO, one of the directors admitted that they could get away with far more than normal TV series or motion pictures. Yeehah! I say. The series did start slow but by episode 3 it picks up the pace and come episode 12 you are on a roller-coaster ride and you don't want to get off. I am so glad that this series has received such critical acclaim and a wide fan-base. My only complaint is that I'm going to have to wait about a year for series two to be released on DVD.

The big advantages of buying a boxed set of DVDs is being able to watch the series when you want to, and as many episodes as you want, and not having to put up with bloody adverts! True Blood series 1 costs £39.99 but if you shop around you should get it for a lot cheaper than that. I bought my copy from Amazon for a fraction of that price.

Oh, I've just remembered one other thing that I absolutely love about the series - its opening credits and theme song. Just sublime! I rate the series 10 out of 10. However, I rate the DVD set 8 out of 10 - let down by the lack of extras. Nevertheless, I still highly recommend all vampire fans to purchase this treat. It's funny, sexy, gory, smartly written and directed and a sheer joy to watch.

Twilight: New Moon Review

It was my birthday yesterday and as a treat for myself I went to the cinema to see New Moon, the second in the Twilight series based on the hugely successful books by Stephenie Meyer. I reviewed Twilight, the first film in the series quite a few months ago. It is hard to escape the phenomenon that surrounds this series. In one way, I like it, as vampires and werewolves are now officially "cool" and a whole new audience is being introduced to the genre. On the other hand, what I dislike about this series is that it ignores the horror of being a vampire or a werewolf for a soppy love story firmly aimed at teenage girls. In no way can these books or films be called horror stories.

THE PLOT. The film opens with Bella Swann celebrating her 18th birthday. She wants a quiet affair at home with her vampire lover, Edward Cullen, but Edward's family of vampires have other ideas and so Bella is invited to a party held in her honour at the Cullen household. Things go badly wrong when Bella suffers a paper cut when opening one of her presents causing Jasper, the least experienced vampire to freak out and attack her. It is a pivotal point in the Bella/Edward relationship as it forces Edward to break up with Bella. He and his family depart, leaving Bella heartbroken. She finds solace and a new love with Jacob Black, a friendly neighbour. Bella sure knows how to pick them. It turns out that Jacob is a werewolf and his clan have a long lasting feud with all vampires. Bella catches glimpses of Edward, but only in times of great stress or danger. This causes her to become more and more rash as she becomes almost addicted to thrill rushes, putting her life in peril. One stunt, where she dives from atop a steep cliff almost ends in her drowning but for a timely rescue from Jacob. Alice Cullen, the vampire who can see the future, had a premonition of Bella dying because of the cliff jumping. She rushes back to find out the truth. Due to a misunderstanding Edward believes that Bella really is dead and decides to end his life by revealing himself to be a vampire in an Italian town ruled by the elite of the vampiric society, the Volturi. Cue Bella and Alice in a race to save him.

THE FILM. The cast of the first film all reprise their roles, with the leads played by Kristen Stewart (Bella), Robert Pattinson (Edward), Taylor Lautner (Jacob) and Ashley Greene (Alice). Michael Sheen plays Aro, the leader of the Volturi, who are the vampiric leaders and enforcers of their laws, of which there is only really one - keep the existance of vampires secret from humanity. Catherine Hardwicke passed the directing duties over to Chris Weitz and he does an admirable job with the material. With a running time of 130 minutes, this was quite a long film but never boring.

THE REVIEW. Whatever I say about this film won't alter the fact that it is going to do outstanding business at the box office. Twilight was a huge succes and this looks like it will be an even bigger hit. So my views amount to little but for what it's worth I liked the film in parts but found it lacking as well.

The good points include the introduction of the werewolves to the saga. They look suitably impressive when in wolf form. These critters are are about the size of a grizzly bear and even more lethal in a fight! Apparently, Jacob is the only werewolf who can transform in mid-leap, a very impressive feat. Alice continues to be my favourite character. I just wish she had more screen time. The Volturi were also a welcome addition and you do not want to mess with them, which probably explained why Edward wanted to fulfil his death wish on their home territory. The scenes with the Volturi at the end of the film gave a palpable taste of their true power.

The bad points are that not much really happens. When I saw Twilight for the first time, I hadn't read any of the books so I didn't know what to expect from the film. Now though, I've read the complete saga and in my opinion, New Moon is the weakest out of the four books. As a consequence, I did not have high hopes for the film. Bella and Edward continue to be annoying adolescents. Edward may be over 100 years but my God, he still acts like a pouty teenager. At times I just wanted to bash the pair of them together to knock some sense into their brains. The film sags after Edward departs but picks up when the werewolf clan take out Laurent, one of the three vampire rogues from the first film. This is the first time that Bella sees a werewolf pack but she runs away before witnessing Laurent's demise.

I'll certainly buy the DVD when it comes out and I'll go see the next installment, Eclipse when it is released next year. I rate New Moon 6 out of 10.

Team Edward

Team Jacob

Zombieland Review

Earlier this week I went to see Zombieland at the cinema. Ever since I saw the trailer months ago I've been looking forward to watching this and  I was not disappointed. The film starred Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus, who narrates the film, Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee, Emma Stone as Wichita and Abigail Breslin as Little Rock. We never get to learn the true names of any of the four leads, only their nicknames, based on where they are headed or come from. Ruben Fleischer directed the film, which has a running time of 88 minutes. Although it has a rather short running time it was jam-packed with humour and action.

THE PLOT. In a world overrun by flesh eating zombies, Columbus is an unlikely survivor. He is a teenage geek with phobias and neuroses aplenty. But like your average reader of my blog, he knows zombies and how to survive, thanks to a list of rules he makes. For example, Rule One: Cardio. Be fit for the zombies are fast paced and they caught and ate all the fat people first. That's me screwed then! He teams up with a drifter called Tallahassee, who is as hard as nails - quote "my mother always said I'd be good at something; I just never thought it'd be killing zombies!" They form an unlikely partnership being as different as chalk and cheese. They lose their car to two expert con artists, Wichita and her younger sister Little Rock. However, it isn't long before they meet up again and this time a truce is called as they head west to Los Angeles. Little Rock wanted to go there to visit the Pleasureland amusement park. Whilst in Los Angeles, they spend time at the mansion of Bill Murray before the two girls depart for the amusement park. It is deserted when they get there but by turning on the electricity to power the rides they unwittingly attract every zombie within hearing distance. Columbus and Tallahassee almost split up but decide they worked well as a team and so set off to catch up with the girls. And how fortunate they did as the film ends with a huge pitched battle between the four survivors and hordes of zombies.

From left to right - Wichita, Tallahassee, Columbus and Little Rock.

THE REVIEW. This is very firmly a comedy, not a horror film. That said, there is enough blood spilled to satisfy the most ardent gore-hound - that'll be me then! This was a film that had me laughing out loud from start to finish. The secret of any good film, no matter what its genre, is to have characters you like and care about and this passes that test with flying colours. All four leads are perfectly cast. Also, Bill Murray gives one of the best cameo performances ever seen. The sheer inventiveness of some of the zombie kills is truly amazing. "Zombie kill of the week" is a quote that crops up in the film more than once and none can beat the old lady who drops a piano on top of a zombie! I'm chuckling now as I type this at the memory of that scene! I know that in any future game I play involving zombies I'll be looking for my own zombie kill of the week. I'm very pleased to see that the film has garnered very good reviews from the critics and that it is doing well at the box office. It thoroughly deserves its success. I read that Woody Harrelson said that this was the first film he's made where he'd be happy to do a sequel. The writers and director want to do not just a sequel but a whole series of sequels. I would most definitely want to see that happen! This was, hands down, the best film I've seen all year. I rate it 9 out of 10. As great as it is, I still think that Shaun of the Dead is ever so slightly better.

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009 film)

I saw this film yesterday and was quite impressed with it, although it is not without faults. It is based on a Japanese Manga comic and an earlier anime film released in 2000. I have not seen either the comic or anime film so I have no idea how faithful the film is to either. I fully expected the film to have Japanese subtitles throughout, but it is in English for the most part, and mercifully, not dubbed English. Japanese subtitles are used in all of the flashback sequences.
THE PLOT. Saya (that's her in the poster) is a 400-year old half human - half vampire who hunts down other vampires. Why? Because it is her duty, she is told by her old mentor, Kato. After his death she ends up working for a shadowy organisation known as The Council, whilst seeking out Onigen, the highest ranking and strongest of the vampires. Onigen is also female and she was responsible for the death of Kato. In 1970 the Council enrol Saya in a school near the Yokota Air Base, which is run by the American Air Force. It is here that Saya strikes up a friendship with Alice, daughter of the Air Base's Commander. After wiping out dozens of vampire minions, Saya eventually has the showdown with Onegin that she so desired. As the film's tagline says, "now that she is here, there will be blood!"
THE FILM. Saya was played by a South Korean actress called Jun Ji-hyun who adopted the English screen name of Gianna Jun. Allison Miller played Alice and Onegin was played by Koyuki. Larry Lamb (yes, he of Eastenders and Gavin and Stacy fame) played the Air Base Commander. The film was directed by Chris Nahon and produced by Ronny Yu. It had a running time of 91 minutes.
THE REVIEW. First things first and I must admit I am curious about the title of this film. I'm okay with the "Blood" part as there is an awful lot of it but just who is the Last Vampire? If it is Saya, then she's only a half vampire and she retains her human soul. Maybe it means she's the last vampire with her humanity intact, as all other vampires appear to be evil bloodsuckers. Is it Onegin? If so what about all of her minions. You get the impression that the world is full of vampires. I just don't get that "Last Vampire" part.
Okay, on to the good bits. The fight scenes are for the most part, very well choreographed and exciting to watch. And there are a lot of fight scenes! Saya kills most of her enemies with her katana, which means that a lot of blood is spilled. She doesn't say much, letting her actions speak for her. The death of Kato, seen in one of the flashback sequences, was one of the outstanding fight scenes, very reminiscent of such modern day classics as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or House of Flying Daggers. I quite liked The Council, who reminded me of an early version of Men in Black. They fight the supernatural and clean up any trace of their own existence and that of the vampires.
As for those faults I mentioned in the introduction, where to start? Yes, there was a lot of blood sprayed across the screen but it was all so obviously CGI. Not good in these days of state-of-the-art CGI effects! The character of Alice was an annoyance and irritating. Totally useless in a fight, she offered nothing. There were times that I had a strong sense of deja vu whilst watching certain scenes. Saya's handler from The Council reminded me of Bob (Tcheky Karyo) from La Femme Nikita. A chase scene involving Saya and Alice in a truck being pursued by a winged vampire was lifted almost scene for scene from Underworld: Evolution. The showdown between Saya and Onegin was over far too quickly and Onegin's revelation to Saya came as no surprise. None of the characters were fully fleshed out as characterisation played second fiddle to fight scene after fight scene. Some may see this as a good thing. I certainly prefer action packed movies over those full of dialogue and exposition. But to me, this never felt like a vampire movie. It was more a martial arts movie. It could just as easily have been called Blood: The Last Samurai. Saya never really convinced me that she was a vampire. Okay, she drank blood from a bottle and in one scene, where she is badly wounded, drinks the blood of Alice from a cut she makes in her hand. But you never see her fangs. Sunlight does not bother her. Whilst she has superfast reflexes and super strength, her reliance on her katana to kill with made me think of her more a samurai than a vampire. All things considered I'd rate this film 6 out of 10. It is worth seeing for the fight scenes and gratuitous violence. Now if someone was to make a 28mm scale figure of Saya I'd buy her.

Twilight DVD

Confession time. I've never read any of the Twilight series of books by Stephenie Meyer. I have a huge collection of vampire novels and somehow this series passed completely under my radar. The first I'd heard of them was when the film was released at Christmas 2008. I'd read mixed reviews of the film but went to see it with an open mind... and I quite enjoyed it.
Just last week I bought the two-disc DVD version of the film from those good folks at Amazon and this is my review of the DVD.
THE STORY. Bella Swan is an American teenager who goes to live with her dad in the small town of Forks, Washington after her divorced mum wants to go touring with her new boyfriend. At high school Bella is curious to know about the five members of the mysterious Cullen family, who are a part of her class, especially Edward, whom she is teamed up with in biology class. Bella's classmates warn her that the Cullens don't mix with other students. But Bella is slowly drawn to the brooding Edward and when he saves her life by stopping a van that was about to crash into her with one hand she becomes convinced that he is not what he appears to be. Yep, Edward is a vampire. He has the ability to read minds but cannot read Bella's mind. So, the pair are drawn to one another and when Bella discovers the truth about Edward she is not repulsed at all but even more besotted with him. Edward takes her to meet his family, the other four "teenagers" and mum and dad - all vampires as well. They get on well together and enjoy a game of baseball, which is interrupted by the arrival of three nomadic vampires. The Cullens were able to integrate themselves in the township by only drinking the blood of animals. These newcomers have no such qualms about taking human blood and when one of them smells Bella's human scent the hunt is on. Can Edward and his family protect Bella, and if so, at what cost?
THE FILM. Edward and Bella were played by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart respectively and the film was directed by Catherine Hardwicke. The story is a simple love story and is aimed primarily at teenagers, especially teenage girls. So I'm well out of the target audience. But hey, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of my all-time favourite TV series and I'm a sucker for any vampire movie. Bella is so pale skinned she could easily pass for a vampire herself. I liked her plucky attitude. Edward is such a pretty boy and an obvious teenage heart-throb but I found him too full of angst and way too irritating. Why must so many vampires be such tortured souls? Out of all of the Cullens my favourite was Alice (played by Ashley Greene) who not only looked as cute as a button but who also had the ability to see the future. Plus, she got to rip the head off one of the nomad vampires! For a vampire movie there was very little blood to be seen, which wasn't surprising given its 12 certificate. My favourite scene in the movie was the baseball game, which was worth the admission fee alone! Baseball between vampires is far more impressive than the human version. With vampiric strength they can smash the ball way out of the park. However, with vampiric speed, the fielders can race after the ball in the blink of an eye, thus making for a even-sided game. It was nice to see a new take on just what it is that defines a vampire. These vampires were not afraid of the sun but avoided it as it gave their skin a sparkling diamond-like quality - a CGI effect that didn't quite work. I've seen a lot worse films than this one and it's not as bad as some critics would have you believe, although the acting by the two leads is a bit flat. I'd rate it 6 out of 10.
THE DVD EXTRAS. I love the special features of a DVD - the more the better. This two-disc set does not disappoint in that respect. The second disc contains deleted scenes, extended scenes, trailers for the film, music videos aplenty, an interview with Stephenie Meyer (who comes across very well, I must say), and of course, the obligatory "making of" documentaries, which I nearly always enjoy watching. All good stuff so far and at over two hours long you certainly get your money's worth. However, what does let the extras down is the film commentary by director Catherine Hardwicke with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Now I'm usually a fan of film commentaries. If done well they can be hugely entertaining and informative. However, here they make the classic mistake in any commentary of having too many long pauses. Also, there was way too much giggling going on between the three of them. Consequently, I can give the special features no more than 8 out of 10. But for the commentary it would have been higher.
FINAL VERDICT. If you're a fan of the novels you don't need me to tell you to buy this - you've probably already got it! If you're not it is still worth seeking out. For sure, it's a teenage love story, but look on the bright side - it's not High School Musical! The film has whetted my appetite for reading the books and I'll be buying the series very soon. I hear the book is much better than the film, but that is so often the case. Twilight - New Moon, the first sequel is schedulded for a November 2009 release. I'll be there to see it and to review it here.