Friday, 27 March 2009

Lesbian Vampire Killers Review

I had the misfortune of watching this stinker of a film earlier this week. When the best thing about a film is the title, you know you are deep in turkey territory. It starred James Corden and Matthew Horne, along with Paul McGann and Emer Kenny. I have to admit that I am not a fan of Corden and Horne but I went in with an open mind, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.
The plot concerns two slackers, Fletch and Jimmy (played by Corden and Horne) who go on holiday to a remote Norfolk village, where they find its women have been tuned into lesbian vampires as part of an ancient curse. They think their luck is in when they discover a bus full of foreign female history students who just happen to be sharing the same cottage as them. An eccentric priest (McGann) believes that Jimmy is the descendant of a long lost vampire slayer. One by one the students succumb to the lure of the lesbian vampires, until only one remains (Kenny) and our heroes try desperately to save her.
You can see that this was trying to emulate the old Hammer horror films but failed miserably. The humour, and I use that word reservedly, is universally of the lads' mags type, which may appeal to some drunken half-wits but did nothing for me. Blood is in short supply, apart from a few trickles from neck bites. When the vampires die they explode in a welter of milky white fluids. Tragic! But surely it was worth seeing for the lesbian vampires? Sadly not. They all looked the same - fake boobs and plastic faces. Barbie doll lookalikes with about as much sex appeal.
It is a shame that my first film review for my blog turned out to be such a stinker. Heed my advice and avoid this at all costs! I rate it 1 out of 10.

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